


Diary of an Alpine Housewife

by chaletian



Category: Chalet School - Elinor M. Brent-Dyer
Genre: Future Fic, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-24
Updated: 2012-04-24
Packaged: 2017-11-04 06:06:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/390618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaletian/pseuds/chaletian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>1 September - Disaster strikes, as I discover that none of F’s uniform has been name-taped and pile of Cash’s seems to have been lost in transit. Matron at school is reportedly Extremely Strict, and F will be very much persona non grata if she arrives with unlabeled clothes. Can quite understand, as hundreds of blue dresses easy to confuse, but does not make predicament any easier. Stay up all night writing in name with French chalk and composing piteous letter of apology to Matron, promising imminent arrival of nametapes and assurances that F will sew them in herself (do not mention this to F).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Diary of an Alpine Housewife

**Author's Note:**

> With apologies to E.M. Delafield!

_17 July_ – Duly arrived on Görnetz Platz. David abandons family to investigate the Sanatorium. Felicity declares Switzerland to be inferior to Hampshire. Retire to unaired bed (very feathery) with headache.

_20 July_ \- Open season on visiting. Have met at least a dozen wives. Very kind of them to call, of course, but things rather out of control here owing to just having arrived and Fortnums’ provisions exhausted. Mrs Sheppard arrived this morning, and there was no tea. Mrs S very sharp but understanding, and gave me directions of local shopkeepers. All in German so useless, but a kind thought. David taking me to Basle tomorrow. Must remember to buy book for learning German!

_23 July_ – Michael and Felicity do not like Swiss milk. Unclear how they intend that I resolve this problem.

_25 July_ \- Visited in some style by Mrs Maynard. Her duty, she explains to me, to visit all new doctors’ wives, on account of husband running the sanatorium. Begs me to call her Jo, as Mrs M makes her feel aged and like mother-in-law. Understand this feeling well, but feel is a little unwarranted in her case, as fifty at least. Perhaps am unkind and uncharitable. Mrs M very pleasant though rather emphatic. M and F will soon become accustomed to milk, she says, and be All The Better For It. Swiss alps very healthy. Hence sanatorium, one presumes. Languages easiest thing in the world, she says, and I will soon learn. Apparently cannot help it when surrounded all day.

_1 August_ \- Have finally engaged maid. Her name is Gretel. She seems very obliging, a great change from usual, but am obviously hampered by matter of Language. Make firm resolution to learn German as quickly as possible. Michael and Felicity are still complaining about the milk. Tell David about this. No reply.

_13 August_ \- German is a lost cause. Shall never learn. Picture household crumbing into disorder and ruin as unable to give direction to servants. David will not be pleased, but spending all his time at sanatorium, so probably will not notice.

_25 August_ \- David has joined complaints about milk. Explain that nothing is to be done. Cannot, after all, export milk from England. Michael suggests exporting cows. Mrs M visited again. Cannot admit to utter failure about German, so make generous use of _bitte_ and _danke_ when speaking to Gretel. Mrs M greatly excited about start of new term at boarding school down the road. This strikes me as odd but rude to enquire further. F will be starting there tomorrow. Am told it is a highly superior school. Relieved to hear her German will be excellent after a term or so. Devise plans to use F as unpaid translator, but realise this is doomed to failure, as F likely to find out going rate.

_1 September_ \- Disaster strikes, as I discover that none of F’s uniform has been name-taped and pile of Cash’s seems to have been lost in transit. Matron at school is reportedly Extremely Strict, and F will be very much persona non grata if she arrives with unlabeled clothes. Can quite understand, as hundreds of blue dresses easy to confuse, but does not make predicament any easier. Stay up all night writing in name with French chalk and composing piteous letter of apology to Matron, promising imminent arrival of nametapes and assurances that F will sew them in herself (do not mention this to F). Cannot bring myself to telephone Mrs M to enquire about acquiring nametapes in local area, so settle on Mrs Graves, very pleasant lady, with daughter of F’s age, as suitable source of information. Sadly, best bet still Cash’s, and I write post-haste to London.

_4 September_ \- Receive scolding visit from Mrs M, who has heard all about nametape fiasco. Did not realise she and Matron on such friendly terms. Mrs M, I learn, was school’s First Ever Pupil, and takes great interest in school. Great interest indeed, since she lives next door to school! Astonished to hear that her youngest daughters board. Surely highly impractical and rather expensive? Promise to send nametapes as soon as they arrive. Wonder how I should break the news to F? Hope she is not made pariah on account of French chalk and not Cash’s. Decide to send fruit cake so she can bribe new friends with tuck.

_5 September_ \- Travel with Michael to Basle. Feel tearful at losing firstborn child once more to necessity of preparatory school, but determined to be Modern and Unaffected. This endeavour helped by M’s recent interest in Wildlife. Sadly, this not limited to Observer’s books, but largely practical involving indigenous creatures of the Platz. Now House Master’s problem. Cannot help but weep when I get home. David tells me not to be a fool, but offers handkerchief and tells me of fascinating tubercular case at sanatorium. Cannot see what is particularly fascinating myself, but nod appropriately. Gretel spilt coal all over the sitting room rug. Had a word, but am not convinced she understood me at all. Must try again with German.

_9 September_ \- Nametapes still not arrived. I avoid telephone in case Matron should call.

_13 September_ \- Still no sign of nametapes. Draft indignant letter to the Times on the disappointment of Our Modern Department Stores.

_19 September_ \- Nametapes finally arrived. Hugely relieved, not least as can once again answer the ’phone. After dinner, summon F to sitting room and inform her of task. She is surprisingly amenable, though I have admittedly pre-empted any demands for remuneration by giving her five schillings. I have very little idea what this is worth in English money, but it seems a reasonable number. [Mem: must sit down and Once And For All work out exchange rates and such things.] Receive letter from M with request for stamp album and biography of Edmund Hillary. Cannot find latter; former was under bed, with some examples of local flora (and, for all I know, fauna). These have been disposed of. Will not mention it to M.

_22 September_ \- Receive harried ’phone call from Miss Annersley as F has chopped off her hair. Explain to Miss A that she probably intends to sell it to local hairdresser. Apparently not the first time this has happened (though F’s motive probably most mercenary, as usual). Agree that this is Quite Serious but also Quite Amusing (though am unsure how I will cope with partially shorn daughter and hope Mrs M will not hear about it).

_23 September_ \- Mrs M calls. Has heard all about F and the scissors and finds whole thing hilarious. Endure much giggling and promises to put the incident into her next book. Did not realise Mrs M was Josephine M Bettany, author of spritely school stories. Consider casually mentioning various stories published in magazines, but fear getting caught up in local literary scene and having fervent discussions on _Parabola of Joy_ or, even worse, _The Honour of the Fourth_. Mrs M expresses surprise that I should not have wanted Matron (or ‘Matey’, as she appears to be more colloquially named) to finish off F’s hair, but I maintain my intention of taking her to an actual hairdresser. Mrs M departs, still in fits of giggles over hair. Decide never to let F read Little Women again.

_25 September_ \- Think there has been some problem with butcher, but am unable to understand Cook sufficiently to grasp the problem. I decide to brave the local hamlet and visit merchants. Also, must find new socks for David, as his have mysteriously vanished, and he is very vocal on the subject. Consider knitting socks but have premonition will be disaster so refrain. Run into Mrs Graves and Mme Courvoisier, who both commiserate over F’s hair. Gossip on Platz even worse than at home!

_27 September_ \- F’s hair now neatly bobbed. Am greatly relieved that episode is over. David not even at home to notice, which is a great boon, as he has very little patience with such things. Meat still poor. Resolve to look up pertinent expressions in German phrase book.

_13 October_ \- Introduced to new problem of Swiss living: blizzards. Or, if being particular, a blizzard. On advice of erstwhile Mrs M (who _very_ kindly telephoned to make sure I could cope with Snow), have entered F as boarder for duration of storm, to ensure she does not become either lost and subsequently found dead in snowdrift, or alternatively get behind in Algebra. Sent F with pyjamas and toothbrush but no toothpaste. Hope Matron will rectify.

_17 October_ \- Snow continues. David remains at San. Am quite snug here, though worrying about F, as not sure staff at school are quite familiar with her ways yet. Trust she will return home unscathed and – perhaps more to the point – unexpelled. She has not, admittedly, ever been expelled yet, but Miss Lewis at Brampton House was in the habit of giving me Looks. _Later_ \- Gretel informs me (I think) that we have run out of flour and Cook is despairing of supper. [Query: What on earth do people do during such affairs? Answer: Sadly, haven’t the faintest idea. Tell Gretel to search for something tinned, and in the meantime resume hunt for M’s book about Edmund Hillary, as surely he faced this problem.]

_19 October_ \- Resign myself to starving to death. Also to speaking to someone about the sort of things one should have in stock during blizzards due to woeful lack of preparation. Blizzards not at all the thing in Hampshire. Sardines on toast for lunch and supper.

_20 October_ \- Snow has finally stopped, though F is to remain at school ’til the weekend. Will despatch Gretel to shops tomorrow. Mrs M came to visit, muffled in about three fur coats and hat. Coolly proclaimed self utterly capable of dealing with any snow-induced crisis – effect of this rather spoiled by Gretel coming to ask if sardines were all right for lunch again. No success in finding Edmund Hillary. Feel quite worn out, and go to bed early.


End file.
